


come over now and talk me down

by werenskibrows



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: I'm Sorry, also not the saddest tho?, brief panic attack scene but nothing bad, not the happiest fic ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 07:14:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14636753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/werenskibrows/pseuds/werenskibrows
Summary: "Dyl, I'm sorry, I just...I can't do thi- I'm just really tired. I think I'm going to just go to sleep. I'm, uh, sorry for bothering you," Zach said and disconnected the call before Dylan had the chance to respond.Dylan turned off the tv and fell asleep trying to figure out where they went wrong.--Or, Dylan tries to be a supportive friend during the Caps series. Zach is struggling with their new normal.





	come over now and talk me down

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea what this is. well. i can tell you that it's not real. and if you found this from googling your name or someone else's name that you know IRL, just click the red X and spare both us some awkwardness. anyway. i have never written hockey fic and i haven't written any fic since like high school musical days, so i'm nervous to post this but also *V* proud of it. i welcome constructive criticism but pls be gentle. i have a playlist called Dylan Werenski, and it has made me very emo the last week or so, specifically I Need You Tonight by BSB and also Talk Me Down by Troye Sivan (where the title comes from), so i guess you can call those songs the inspiration for this (also you can consider LottieAnna and failurebydesign inspiration for this too bc i love their writing, and their fics made me want to write). there's no timeline following at all for this really bc i realized halfway through that dylan was in europe for worlds, but i did spend an uncomfortable amount of time looking at cbj's tweets/timestamps. PLEASE leave a comment and let me know what you think :) this is unbeta'd and i've spent about an hour and a half trying to figure out the formatting, so please let me know if there's any errors.

**April 13, 2018 02:46 AM**  
To: big Z  
_Good game big guy…nice win_

He fell asleep waiting for a reply, and woke up to a read receipt. Maybe Zach thought he’d fallen asleep and didn’t want to wake him up, so he didn’t reply. Or, maybe… No, that’s what Dylan was going with.

++++++++++

 **April 15, 2018 01:39 PM**  
To: big Z  
_Good luck tonight buddy! Score one for me ;)_  
(Read 3:32 PM)

Dylan checked his phone after leaving a smoothie shop a few hours later and saw the read receipt. Zach must have read it after waking up from his pregame nap and forgot to reply before heading to the rink.

 **April 15, 2018 09:35 PM**  
To: big Z  
_That goal was for me right? Lol._

 **April 15, 2018 10:38**  
To: big Z  
_Another OT???? You got this z!!_

 **April 16, 2018 12:30 AM**  
To: big Z  
_YEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!! NICE WIN!! Nice 3 points too playa_

 **April 16, 2018 01:37 AM**  
From: big Z  
_Hahahaha yeah the goal was for you :) thanks dyl!_

 **April 16, 2018 01:58 AM**  
To: big Z  
_I knew it! Sick win_

 **April 16, 2018 02:00 AM**  
To: big Z  
_Hey me and Colin are thinking of driving to cbus for gm 3, could we crash at ur place?_  
(Read 2:15 AM)

Zach must have just gotten on the plane back to Columbus, Dylan thought as he was falling asleep. Otherwise he'd've said ‘yeah obviously’. Dylan was sure of it.  
Something came up with Colin and they couldn’t make it for Game 3. Dylan texted Zach and never got a response, just another read receipt. Playoffs are busy, though, he told himself. Zach wouldn’t just screen his texts or purposely ghost him. Right? He tried not to think about it.

++++++++++

 **April 17, 2018 03:30 PM**  
To: big Z  
_Score another for me tonight! Good luck_

From: big Z  
_Lol. I’ll try._

Zach was in game mode. Dylan knew how he got, because Zach’d go silent before games at Michigan too. He gets it.

 **April 17, 2018 11:00 PM**  
To: big Z  
_It’s not in my diet plan but I’m eating a frozen pizza and telepathically sending you the carbs and energy_

 **April 17, 2018 11:32 PM**  
To: big Z  
_Tough break man…that game was crazy_  
(Read 12:02 AM)

He figured Zach didn’t want to talk after a game like that. He wasn’t expecting a reply. He was dozing off listening to a John Mulaney special he’s seen a million times, and then he was startled awake by the distinct noise of a FaceTime call.

He looked at his phone and saw “big Z” in big letters. When he answered, all he saw was black. He heard some rustling around, and he figured Zach was in bed. “Hey buddy, what’s up?” he asked, noticing his head illuminated in the dull light from the tv.

“Oh shit, sorry, I uh..didn’t mean to FaceTime you,” Zach said and flipped the lamp by his bed on. “I know it’s late, I can let you go.”

“Zach, shut up, I wouldn’t have answered if I didn’t want to talk to you.”

Zach chuckled and rubbed his eyes, “I know, I just feel like I needed a disclaimer. I guess I’m just used to you being my…release, I guess.” He offered Dylan a meek smile.

“Oh,” Dylan said, kind of rattled by the honesty. “Yeah, I mean, just because we aren’t, you know… I mean yeah, you’re still my best friend, Z, you don’t need an excuse to call me.” He forced a chuckle before saying, “I was beginning to think you forgot who I was, since you always ghost me!”

Zach’s face faltered, “Dylan no, don’t say that. I’m just busy with the playoffs and stuff.”

“I know, Zach, it was a joke,” Dylan said around a laugh. “Anyway, I caught the last part of the third and both overtimes…You played well.”

Zach didn’t reply. There was only silence. Dylan worried he’d upset him or something. Maybe Zach didn’t want to talk hockey right now. Maybe Zach didn’t want him watching his games. Who knew what went through Zach's mind anymore. Certainly not Dylan.

“Look we don’t ha-” Dylan started before Zach interrupted him.

“Dyl, I’m sorry, I just…I can’t do thi- I’m just really tired. I think I’m going to just go to sleep. I’m, uh, sorry for bothering you,” Zach said and disconnected the call before Dylan had the chance to respond.

Dylan turned off the tv and fell asleep trying to figure out where they went wrong.

++++++++++

_Things were different, last year. They weren’t “together,” but they weren’t seeing other people, either. As far as Dylan knew, nobody thought he was gay, or that him and his best friend had been…doing whatever they called it for almost three years. They were just Dylan and Zach, and they were happy being Dylan and Zach, and nobody cared._

__

_When Zach cancelled their plans for July 4th without giving a reason, he wondered if something was wrong, but pushed it to the back of his mind. Zach would tell him if there was a problem._

__

_In late July, Dylan realized it’d been almost a week since he talked to Zach outside of the group text, and even longer since he’d seen him. He’d tried calling Zach on his birthday but it went to voicemail._

__

_On his own birthday, Dylan woke up to a text from Zach. He wasn’t going to make it to Dylan’s birthday celebration, but he missed him. Dylan again wondered if something was wrong, a stronger feeling than before that something actually was wrong. He tried not to let it put a damper on his birthday though._

__

_When he called Zach at 2 AM drunk off his rocker, Zach didn’t answer. He felt a single tear roll down his cheek before falling asleep._

__

_The whole group text bought tickets to a Tigers game in August. Dylan hadn’t seen Zach in over a month, hadn’t gotten to kiss him in almost two months, and hadn’t really talked to him much in what felt like seven years. Zach called him the afternoon of the game and asked if he wanted to carpool to the game since it was on his way. Dylan said yes._

__

_At the game, nothing was different. They never really acted like they were whatever around their friends, so nothing seemed off. After the game Dylan couldn’t stop fidgeting in the car. He was anxious, but he didn’t want to confront Zach, because what if it was all just in his head?_

__

_“Your scar looks like it’s healing nicely,” Dylan offered, just to make conversation._

__

_Zach rubbed his cheek gently, “oh, yeah, everything is on track, I shouldn’t miss too much when the season starts,” he said before the car delved back into silence._

__

_Dylan took a deep breath before the words just rolled out of him. “Zach, what the fuck is going on?”_

__

_He noticed Zach grip the steering wheel tighter, his breath catching in his throat._

__

_“Dylan, I…I’m sorry.”_

__

_Dylan closed his eyes and cupped his hands around his face, trying to keep his breath steady. “What? What do you mean?”_

__

_Zach sucked in a deep breath. They were outside of Dylan’s place, parked in the darkness, and the tension was growing stronger by the second._

__

_“Zach? What’s going on?”_

__

_Zach turned to him, his eyes a bit watery. “I…I met someone.”_

++++++++++

 **April 19, 2018 02:45 PM**  
To: big Z  
_Good luck tonight Z_  
(Read 4:39 PM)

Dylan didn’t watch the game, but he kept track on his phone. He didn’t text Zach after the game. He knew better at this point.

 **April 20, 2018 03:32 AM**  
From: big Z  
_Are u up?_

The notification woke him up, but Dylan didn’t respond.

++++++++++

 **April 20, 2018 02:53 PM**  
From: brad werenski  
_Hey man, idk whats going on between u and z but can u check on him? he’s being weird_

To: brad werenski  
_sure brad_

Dylan had a meeting at 4 that didn’t finish until around 5:30 because his agent was trying to turn him into an Instagram model with all the different sponsorships they talked about. Blue Apron? Sure. Colgate? No thanks.

He called Zach on his way home. It rang a few times and he wasn’t sure Zach was even going to answer. Zach was always the kind of guy to shut himself off when he was overwhelmed, and over the years Dylan had gotten beyond his walls.

“Hey buddy!” Zach answered, and he sure didn’t sound like he was down about anything, but Dylan knew better.

“BIIIIIGGGGGG ZZZZZZZZ!” He screamed, “what is UP, my guy? How’s it hangin? How’s the wife and kids? Did you mow the grass today? Water your plants?” He heard Zach bark out a laugh and counted it as a victory.

“You’re the worst,” Zach laughed. “The grass is perfectly trimmed, the plants are dead, and you know you’re the only person I’d ever want to make an honest woman out of.”

Dylan felt a pang in his chest at the comment but didn’t let it get to him. “What’s up, Z, why are you so…un-big Z-like?”

“I just, I don’t know, it’s stupid, but I feel like these two losses are on me and…I just really want to win.”

He pulled into his garage and turned his car off, carefully planning out his words. “You know it’s never any specific person’s fault right?” Zach muffled a ‘yeah’ in response. “You have 3 more chances. You won on their ice twice already, you can do it again.”

Zach didn’t respond, but Dylan hoped he was smiling at least.

“You there, Z?” Dylan asked as he closed the door into his apartment.

“Yeah, just thinking. I don’t even know if I’m allowed to say this,” Zach said with a sigh, “but I just…miss you? Like, you were my best friend for so long, before we started fooling around, and I just feel like I’ve messed that up and I don’t know how to talk to you anymore.”

Dylan wasn’t sure what he was expecting Zach to say, but it wasn’t that. He'd finally come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t it for Zach, that there was somebody else out there that made him happy the way Dylan once thought only he could. That Zach was making someone else suffer through his jokes. Making someone else get him a packet of peanut butter crackers after sex. That they weren’t Dylan And Zach anymore; they were just Dylan, and Zach.

“Dylan, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ha-” Zach started before Dylan cut him off.

“Am, Zach. Am.”

“What?”

Dylan took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes. “Am. I am your best friend. I don’t know what is going through your head, but I know what went through mine. I tried to be mad. I was sad. I felt, I don’t know, broken? In a way? But then, I don’t know…I realized that just because we can’t be together in that way anymore, that doesn’t mean you aren’t my best friend still. I’m still the same guy I was before, and so are you, we just…won’t have quickies in Niko’s bathroom anymore, I guess.”

Again Zach didn’t respond, but Dylan heard him take a deep breath so he knew he was still there. He had a million and one thoughts going through his head. His chest started feeling tight. His breaths were getting faster, and he was struggling to keep up. He heard Zach start to say something but he couldn’t focus on anything aside from his breathing. He tried saying “sorry, I gotta go,” but he knew that’s not what came out. He knew Zach'd know what was happening. It happened a lot their first year at Michigan.

He put his phone on the counter and ran to his bed and covered up, thankful that he spent the extra money for blackout curtains. His eyes burned as the tears started coming. He tried to think about being back at Yost, skating around with Zach early in the morning, trying to remember the calmness he felt.

For the first time in what felt like a hundred years, he was having a panic attack.

++++++++++

He ended up falling asleep and woke up at 2 AM. He grabbed a packet of peanut butter crackers from his bedside table, ate half of them, and fell back asleep. When he woke up the next morning, he went to the kitchen and looked at his phone while his Keurig was making his coffee. He had 2 missed calls from Zach, and a few messages as well.

 **April 20, 2018 04:45 PM**  
From: big Z  
_Dylan please pick up ur phone im sorry_

 **April 20, 2018 05:00 PM**  
From: big Z  
_Larks please_

 **April 20, 2018 05:03 PM**  
From: big Z  
[[Photo Message]](https://archinect.imgix.net/uploads/ah/ahwcwkeaclhpoq87.jpg?auto=compress,format)  
_Just remember to breathe_

 **April 20, 2018 10:46 PM**  
From: big Z  
_I’m sorry Dylan I hope you’re okay I didn’t mean for that to happen please call me_

He felt guilty. He knew he shouldn’t, that if there was anyone that was going to understand it would be Zach. He didn’t feel up to texting Zach, so instead he sent him a Snapchat of his coffee pouring into the Monsters cup Zach got him after he won the Calder Cup.  _Thanks for the Yost pic_  he captioned it and hit send before he thought too much about it.

Zach snapped him back almost immediately. It was a picture of his suitcase with the Red Wings shirt he bought Zach before they moved in to the dorms.  _What are best friends for?_  it said.

++++++++++

 **April 21, 2018 01:30 PM**  
To: big Z  
_Give em hell Z_

 **April 21, 2018 04:33 PM**  
To: big Z  
_brows lookin fresh, did you get them threaded this week?_

 **April 21, 2018 05:45 PM**  
To: big Z  
_did you guys as a team break a mirror or something??? what is with these overtimes_

 **April 21, 2018 06:20 PM**  
To: big Z  
_Oh god I jinxed it by talking about it sorry_

Zach never responded.

++++++++++

Dylan had been watching ASMR videos on youtube. He always saw them on Instagram, but he was bored and decided to see what it was all about. He was partial to soap cutting videos, especially the ones where they cut the soap into little cubes. Somehow, he fell down a rabbit hole of videos. It was almost 3 AM when he found himself belting out A Whole New World with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey and he felt his phone buzz next to him. Zach was calling.

"Larkin's Burritos, this is Dylan, how can I help you?"

Zach chuckled, "yeah can I get a, uhhhh number 71 with a side of queso? That's the dad joke wrapped bedtime story quesadilla, right?"

"Sorry sir, no, the number 71 is the Disney sing along nachos. The dad joke quesadilla with a bedtime story isn't on our menu after 1 AM."

"Damn," Zach said, feigning exasperation. "I suppose the nachos will work. What is the flavor of the day? I hope it's Moana."

Dylan giggled, actually giggled. Zach had always gotten his sense of humor and played along with his dumb storylines. "Lucky for you, the flavor of the day was Aladdin, but we just ran out. I can get some Moana in the warmer for you." He heard Zach say what sounded like "perfect" around a laugh and smiled to himself. "What's up, Z? Why are you up so late?"

"I have a bunch of shit going through my head and couldn't fall asleep. I was scrolling through Instagram and saw you like something so I thought I'd call you and see how you were. You know, apologize for yesterday."

"You don't need to apologize, Zach, it's...just one of those things."

Zach took a deep breath. "I know, but...I'm not usually the one who makes them happen and I wanted to make sure you were okay. I felt bad."

"There's a lot I want to say," he said, rubbing his eyes, "but I don't want to make you feel bad. What's done is done and I've moved on for the most part, but, I guess it just got to me." Zach hummed in response. "It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that there was someone else. I'm sure she's great and I have no bad things to say about her or you, but at the time...it was hard. I spent a lot of time in my room looking at pictures from college, wishing we lived in a different time when us being together wouldn't have been the end of the world. I spent a lot of time resenting her. Wanting to get in my car and show up at your door and, you know, kiss you one last time. But eventually the closure came and I'm happy. For myself and for you. But, yeah, I miss you a lot. In different ways, for different reasons. And when you said that the other day, it just set me off."

He waited a few beats, thinking Zach was collecting his thoughts. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi. "Zach?" He heard a light snore. Of course he fell asleep.

"You'll always be it for me, Z" he said quietly before ending the call. He knew Zach was sleeping and didn't hear him, but he fell asleep himself feeling less weight on his shoulders.

++++++++++

 **April 23, 2018 01:39 PM**  
To: big Z  
_don't think too hard tonight. stay out of your head, play your game, everything will be good_

From: big Z  
_you sound like a coach. thanks dylan_

++++++++++

Dylan set up shop in his living room with a few of their friends for the game. He was obviously nervous for Zach, everyone was; everyone wanted them to win.

By the second intermission, drinks were drunk, eyes were glossy, hope was minimal, and Dylan really wished he had a dog to snuggle with. He knew Zach wouldn't see it until after the game, but he took his phone out anyway.

 **April 23, 2018 09:22 PM**  
To: big Z  
_the boys are all here rallying buddy, you got this_

Not even halfway through the first, after the Caps scored their 5th goal, people started leaving. It was becoming more and more obvious that the Jackets weren't advancing. By ten o'clock, Dylan was the only person left in his apartment. He was cleaning up bottles when he heard the final buzzer. His heart hurt for Zach, knowing how disappointed he'd feel.

 **April 23, 10:30 PM**  
To: big Z  
_❤❤❤ i'm sorry Z...let me know if you need anything_

He went back to cleaning. He decided to vacuum, because his friends are slobs and there was pizza crumbs everywhere. He got really into it, moving his couches, moving the end tables, dusting the TV stand. The next time he looked at his phone, it was 11:45 and he had a missed call from Zach. He tried calling him back, but it went straight to voicemail. He went to bed, making a mental note to call Zach first thing in the morning.

++++++++++

He was in the middle of a dream about being at the dentist when he heard the buzzer in his entryway go off. A quick glance at his alarm clock showed it was almost 4 AM. Thoroughly confused, Dylan got out of bed and padded into the living room without bothering to put on a shirt, which he later chided himself for because it was absolutely freezing. "Uh, hello?" he said into the speaker. He figured it was a drunk person trying to get into the wrong building.

"Dylan, let me up," was the response, and his breath caught in his throat. No way. He pushed the button to unlock the security door, letting his guest in. He was so confused.

He heard a gentle knock on his door a few minutes later. He looked through the peephole, still not believing his eyes as he opened the door. "What...what are you doing here?" he said, moving to the side and held the door open.

Zach dropped his bag and stared at him, his eyes adjusting to the light as he rubbed his forehead. "You said to let you know if I needed anything, and you didn't answer when I called," he said and took a few steps until he was standing right in front of Dylan. "But, I...I need you tonight. I'm sorry I didn't make sure it was okay, it was impulse and I ju-" Zach's words were muffled by Dylan's arms wrapping around his shoulders.

"It's okay," Dylan said, his shoulder feeling wet as Zach's tears started. They stood there like that for a few minutes, Dylan rubbing circles on Zach's biceps until his breathing evened out. "Shh, don't worry," he said as he pulled out of the hug. Instinctively, his hands cupped Zach's face, his thumbs wiping the wetness from under his eyes.

Zach stared at him for a while, his eyes looking at Dylan's mouth, then his eyes, and back to his mouth again. "Dylan," he whispered.

"Zach," Dylan said back, his voice just as quiet. "Don't do something you're going to regret in the morning."

Zach licked his lips, eyes staring at Dylan's mouth now. "It is the morning, and I'll never regret loving you," he said as he closed the distance between them. 

Dylan relaxed against him, wrapping his arms around Zach's waist. Zach's lips were rough, he thought idly, but he didn't mind. He pulled away after a few minutes, feeling Zach's hands come up and cup his face. "Zachary Kenneth," he said around a smile, "you are crazy. Does your family know where you are?"

"Well,  _Dylan James_ ," Zach said, wrapping his arms around Dylan and hugging him tight. "I'm sure Brad will figure it out and let everyone who needs to know, know. However, as I'm sure you know, it is after 4 AM, and I would really like to get some sleep."

"I think we can manage that," Dylan said and walked to his room. Zach took his shoes and jacket off, placing them next to his bag in the entry way, and followed Dylan.

++++++++++

Dylan woke up the next morning with his arm wrapped around Zach's waist. Zach was still snoring, so he got out of bed as quietly as he could, grabbed his phone and walked into the living room. He noticed that Zach had a half eaten packet of peanut butter crackers next to his phone on the bedside table. Laying down on the couch, he covered up with one of his Michigan blankets and checked his phone. He had one message.

 **April 24, 2018 07:58 AM**  
From: brad werenski  
_make him call me as soon as he wakes up_

To: brad werenski  
_he's still asleep but i'll make sure he calls you_

From: brad werenski  
_thanks for taking care of him, we didn't even see him after the game, i figured he was gonna end up at your place eventually_

To: brad werenski  
_i would have texted you if i knew that, sorry. but yea he's safe and sound_

From: brad werenski  
_nah don't b sorry, he needed u. thanks again. see u soon_

Dylan put his phone down and pulled the blanket up to his chin, lifting his legs so the blanket went under his feet too.

 _Yeah_ , he thought,  _Zach needed me. But I needed him too._

Everything would work itself out and things would be okay. They were going to be okay, too.


End file.
